Thanksgiving Picture

So, I know this will be a repeat for those of you who look at a certain other blog, but I enjoy this picture of me - especially the expression on my face. There's the look that made cowards of literally ones of opponents on the soccer field, that could potentially frighten away attackers, that makes infants (and the occasional weak-constitutioned child) weep in terror. I miss dodge ball.

Getting High at Work

I took the pills my coworker offered me tonight because I wanted to feel better. They sat with anticipation in my palm as I went to find something to wash them down with. They went down easily, all three of them, sliding down my throat as if I were one of my own polypharmaceutical patients. I'm sure the beauty of their shiny red coats was marred quickly by the acidic bath to which they were soon subjected.

After ten minutes I began to feel better. After a half-hour I felt like I was floating in the air, disconnected from my body, and everything was beauty and good humor.

Okay, so I had a headache and it was just 600 mg of ibuprofen. I should have learned my lesson the last time I had a bad headache: I took one Excedrin and could barely stand a half hour later. I can count the number of times I have taken pain medication in my adult life (excluding post-surgically) using only the number of digits I was born with. I suppose that's why even the most minor OTC pain relievers seem to either completely knock me out (Nyquil) or make me feel like I'm flying (APAP and ibuprofen).

I don't know why I thought this was worth mentioning, but there it is.

Weeding the Garden

The title of this post is a metaphor for the process I am about to undertake in order to reduce, once again, the number of loose papers I am carrying around with me (I think it is around 25 at this point). This time around I will simply describe, basically for nobody's benefit, the ones I am throwing away. In the past I have only put down here in writing the expansion of ideas I had jotted down in abstract; this time you will be subjected to the monotonous and uninteresting process in its entirety.

First to go is the wallet-sized copy of my temporary RN license, from when I switched it for the permanent license. I was carrying it with me temporarily. It will go, for lack of a better place, into our fireproof box with the full-size version of the same.

Next (to the recycle bin) is a list of potential substitutes for me for primary. I have a printed version now, courtesy of the primary secretary, so I can now eliminate this from the pile.

Next is a sliver of paper which has a reminder of something to write about in my journal. Instead, I will write about it now. I had a very crazy shift one day at work (July 30, specifically). One of the residents I was working with was very demanding that day, but I made an effort to be patient with her. At the end of the night, I told her that I would soon be turning my team over to the nurse for the graveyard shift. She said to me, "I wish you were staying." I knew that my efforts had been appreciated, and I felt good about myself as a nurse. It's those moments which make my work worthwhile, and those small validations are some of the greatest rewards of my career choice. Relatedly, I have recently been working with an elderly woman who has been very stressed with her family. I asked her son to leave the room for a moment and we had a quiet talk about how she was feeling about life. I asked her if she was doing all right, and she said, "any gal would be all right across from you." She expressed her opinion that my wife was a lucky woman, a sentiment with which I must agree. The readership (such as it is) of this blog is assured that I am not ignorant of my own luck in the spouse department.

Also on this same scrap is a note that, instead of spending the time and money to watch all the episodes of "Lost" I have missed since the end of season 1 (the last I saw of the show), I could just go to the website and read episode synopses. My imagination is very good, and I think this method of catching up would be satisfactory. I'm sure my desire to watch the actual episodes would be greater if I had not already heard that, after several seasons, not much of the mystery has been resolved.

The next (very small) scrap is a note to check out a particular brand of shoes sold at Z Best Shoes, in Sugarhouse. I think these are the ones with the big metal coil under the heel. My feet are frequently sore after work, and I have heard wonderful things about these shoes. I think I would do well to invest, if not in this particular type, at least in something more supportive than what I currently wear, which is the cheapest and most lightweight close-toed pair of shoes that exists. On the other side of this scrap is written "Euro Comfort - Danskos," a reference to another pair of shoes which has been recommended, this one with a rocker in the toe and heel. Also on this scrap is a note to listen to the archived episode of This American Life for August 4 (an interesting piece on the politics of the balloon-animal producers' world), and a note to buy a blackboard eraser to wipe the fog off the inside of my windshield. I read that tip in Good Housekeeping in the break room at work, and it sounds like a great idea. Last fall I had a terrible time trying to clear my windshield. To the consolidation-sheet go the ideas, and to the recycle bin goes the scrap. Whee!

Next is a scrap of a food wrapper, also with "blackboard eraser" written thereon. Go figure.

The recycle bin is next greatly enriched by the addition of two appointment reminder cards, one for August 18 and the other for May 23 (has it really been that long since I cleaned?).

I next confront a letter-size piece of paper which contains notes I made on Mosiah 4. I think I will scan and post the actual notes for your benefit, just so you can be entertained by how my mind works when I study. The other half of the sheet contains notes I made on another subject, and which I choose not to share at this time. Additionally, a blank full sheet of paper was found in the pile, folded into eighths. The notes will be preserved in the pile; the blank sheet will be recycled.

The next scrap contains the phone number of a guy I know, and three dates I needed to try and get off work. Recycled.

Next to the bin (after writing to the consolidation-sheet) is the ISBN of a book of easy piano favorites, and the URL of a government website (pueblo.gsa.gov) which publishes medically pertinent information for the general public.

"DRG diaphragms," says the next little paper, which probably seems enigmatic to most of you, but which represents a brand of stethoscope to me. Recycled after notation for further reference.

Now a little paper of notes from the last Priesthood session of General Conference. I forgot those were in there. I think I'll hang on to them.

The next quarter-sheet of notes is for the series on Leadership which I still intend to complete in this blog.

A nurse I work with said that once she and her husband were in a very bad situation financially. Her upstairs neighbor, an elderly woman, knocked on her door and asked for her laundry and ironing. She countered this nurse's objections by saying that she wanted to do something to help, and she would appreciate the opportunity. The nurse told me that this neighbor did her ironing until their situation improved, and that it was much appreciated. I thought it a fine story. There is always something we can do to serve. Now that I have written that down, one more paper is gone.

The next few sheets are more or less permanent fixtures in the group. One is a scribble Isaac made as one of his first attempts at crayon use, under which Alison wrote "I love Daddy." It is too heart-melting to lose quite yet. Another is a typewritten sheet of things I consolidated from past papers. There is another of notes for part 2 of the leadership thing. Six more notes that will be kept for later and several pass-along cards, and we have reached the end of the pile.

Of course, I also carry with those notes a metal-cased notebook I bought at Barnes & Noble which contains my lists of movies to see, books to read, jokes worth telling, past conference talks I am interested in looking up sometime, marimba music to buy/learn, classical pieces I want to listen to/buy, scripture passages worth pondering or memorizing, things to do (or eat) if I ever make it back to Italy, inventions I read about in Discover magazines a few years ago whose development I am still interested in following, gift ideas for Alison, gift ideas for me, and gift ideas for other people. This notebook has plenty of empty sheets, but I am saving them for less transitory things than the rest of the pile generally contains. Although, now that I think about it, it makes sense for me to use the notebook AS my pile of papers, since the pages are individually removable/discardable. I'll have to think about whether to sully the purity of the notebook in this manner.

Well, there you have it. Another successful use of this blog for its intended purpose.

My notes on selected verses of Mosiah 4

Hello

So, all you loyal reader out there...I counted up the number of little papers in my pocket in church on Sunday and there were 32. So, that means it's high time I updated. Stay tuned! Who knows - I may write about you next!

So anyway, the next posts will likely contain a few random notes that I just need to record somewhere so I can get rid of some pocket clutter.

I was reading the letters to the editor of TIME Magazine, and one man had written of raising children, "My sister told me, 'listen to your daughter. She will show you how to raise her.'" I thought this was significant because I have noticed several people who cause themselves a lot of stress worrying that they will not do everything perfectly with their new infants, and although we all want our kids to fit into a nice easy mold, in the end we will raise our kids with very individualized plans according to their specific needs and natures. So, although there are generic principles for how to raise children (love, patience, respect, and so forth), there is no one good method. After all, children have survived thousands of years of mediocre parenting by normal folks just like all of us.

On another note, I was led one day to ponder the legacy I will leave upon my demise. It would be a tragedy if, at then end of my life, those I have known well said, "he was a nice guy, but..." As in, "He was a nice guy, but he never seemed to be truly happy" or "He was a nice guy, but he didn't ever go out of his way to help others." It is true (as I have mentioned previously) that what will matter most at the end of this life is who loved us and who we loved. Nobody really needs to be remembered for heroic acts recorded in the great history books; what we need is to each leave a legacy of caring so that those left behind can truly say, "My life was better because this person was a part of it." Someone once told me that she liked herself more because she had known me, and I can't think of any better compliment than that.

I knew someone in high school, but I did not know him well. We were on the drumline together for two years, and we conversed every so often, but I did not know much about his life outside of a school setting. A couple years ago, he died during surgery and I attended his funeral with my wife. The BYU Men's Chorus sang at his funeral, and the church was full - so full that the overflow seats were all filled. His sister spoke, and she said that toward the end of his life he told her and her younger brother to get along. He said, "We need to be nicer to people because sometimes life is short." She said he had told her to stop crying and to start smiling. I don't know one thing he did that will ever be taught in our public schools, but every one of the hundreds of people there had a reason to remember him with fondness and to resolve to be kinder and more generous themselves. Our lives are more fragile than we know, and the words we say to our spouse, our parents or siblings, or a stranger in the supermarket may be the last words they hear from us. Conversely, one of us may be the last person someone sees before he or she passes away. I took care of a woman at the end of her life, and it was a special thing to be able to tell her, when she was past the point of responding, that it had been a privelege knowing her and caring for her. I think it might have been more special if I had told her sooner.

Leadership

This will not be what I would call my magnum opus by any means, but I have had thoughts ruminating in my head for quite some time regarding the principle of leadership. I would like to share (hopefully in a coherent manner) some of these thoughts with you in a serious of posts which will present different aspects of the topic, and hopefully in the end these will mesh together into a nice whole. I believe that every principle I am going to share is true; and as I also believe that truth's original source is beyond this mortal sphere, any who deny the existence of absolute moral laws may as well navigate their way to a different page. And now, without further ado, here is...

Leadership Part I: The Spiritual Foundation of Leadership

I will approach this subject from the side, beginning with what I believe is the essence of true leadership. Historically (and, I believe, fundamentally), a leader was one who possessed the ability to see and convey to others a visualization of potential. I will discuss this as it relates to our personal lives at a later time (it's one of my favorite topics), but for now let me just say that all great leaders are people who are able to see potential in themselves and others (the "vision"), and convey a sense of that potential to their followers. Sometimes this is done by word and sometimes by example, but always the followers initially get a sense of what they can either accomplish or become if they will follow the leader. The classic example of this is the biblical prophet: he pronounces predictions of the future (for example, the damnation of the wicked) and then motivates his followers to seek after a goal which he himself can envision for them (for example, the joy and peace of the repentant sinner who accepts Christ). If he is successful in transmitting this vision to others, and if they are receptive, they will follow.

I will now discuss the leader as an individual. I will restrict my discussion at this point to only good leaders, that is, ones who lead toward righteous ends, such as eternal life, and not those who lead by the power of the devil to damnation. (These evil leaders exist; they are called false prophets. I believe that all men who lead toward goals which are unrighteous are rightly called false prophets, for what else would you call one who gives others a vision of the future which is not based on truth? Is this not a prophecy which is false?) The vision (or visions) by which this leader navigates are provided most clearly as the leader engages in moments of reflection, instances of clarity and reorientation. Here are a few examples of these moments:

-The period following a general conference of the Church, when the honest in heart (who have paid attention) gain what my father called "the feeling of 'all is well'"
-The precious time in the temple celestial room when we have a sense of the overall purpose and plan of our existence
-During and after priesthood blessings performed in righteousness, when the receiver has been given instruction and counsel from the Lord.

We can easily see that, given the above examples, these "clarity moments" would rightly be called Revelation. They are times when the Lord's will is made known to us, when his plan is brought to the forefront of our minds and laid in stark relief against the backdrop of the world's confusion and misdirection. These moments can also happen in our everyday lives, any time we are prepared to receive them. Our means of preparedness, although very important, will not be discussed at this time, but the important thing is that the Lord's means of communication to us is through the Holy Ghost:
"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." (John 14:26)
It is through the medium of the Holy Ghost that we receive our education of truth in this life.

An important but little-known (as I think) scripture which describes the communication of the Holy Ghost with great relevance to this discussion is found in the book of Jacob, chapter 4, verse 13:
"Behold, my brethren, he that prophesieth, let him prophesy to the understanding of men; for the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls...."

In the context of the moments of clarity and perspective spoken of earlier, the Spirit gives us a sense of things as they really are (perspective on present trials and experiences as they relate to the big picture of the gospel) and things as they really will be (visions of the potential future of ourselves and others), for the salvation of our souls. A good leader (that is, a leader for good) will use the power of the Spirit to instill in others the motivation to strive toward this future potential, provide a clear picture of things as they really are in the present, and provide the keys by which these others can progress toward these goals. Any of these three could easily be the topic of a post in themselves, but I will abstain for the present.

As a last note in this section, the pursuit of true perspective/visions of things "as they really are" and things "as they really will be" will, when successful, change and mold three things: how we view others; how we view ourselves; and how we view God. The first will lead to the development of charity; the second, the establishment of hope; and the third, the foundation of faith. As Moroni says,
"...I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto Christ]--the fountain of all righteousness." (Ether 12:28)
Thus does God give us the tools to return to Him, through the atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, and through the enlightening power of the Holy Ghost; and thus does he give righteous men and women the tools to lead those under their stewardship toward eternal life and exaltation.

Stay tuned for part II.

Alma 5

This begins what will probably be a trend in this blog of spiritual topics, which I will expound mostly in an effort to put into coherent order some thoughts I have had regarding religion and the laws by which we as mortals live. I know that blatant spirituality does not enjoy universal appeal these days, but hopefully those of you who are reading my blog (if indeed there by more than one who meet this description) who do not enjoy topics of a higher nature will forgive what you may see as a series of tangential ramblings; I make no apology for what will come because this blog will at last be fulfilling what may be its primary role. I am sure nothing I say (in this post, at least) will be new to you.
So, the first thing I wanted to share with you is a couple of experiences I had which relate to Alma 5. Number one is the first time I can remember receiving revelation; number two is an important clarification I received during my mission.
So, the first. I was sitting up in the choir seats next to my dad during a sacrament meeting. I was reading Alma 5 to pass the time, and while I read thought after thought entered my mind which did not relate exactly to the text on the page, but which were pertinent to my life and which had a ring of what I can only describe as rightness to them. Since I did not recognize revelation for what it was at the time, at the end of the meeting I had come to the conclusion that Alma 5 was the most amazing chapter in the Book of Mormon, because the answer to any question anyone could possibly have was contained therein. Imagine my shock the next time I read the chapter and discovered that all those many concepts I had learned that day in church were not actually contained in the text. The reason we are asked to read the scriptures on a daily basis, I have learned, is not because the words in the scriptures have so much to offer (although they do), but because the Holy Ghost needs a prepared mind with which to work.
Number two. During the later part of my mission I was visiting a less-active member I had never met during a companion exchange. We were sharing an uplifting message, and I felt a sudden prompting to read Doctrine and Covenants 19 with her, a section I did not know well. Any of you who have read D&C 19 can well imagine the panic which surely gripped the heart of my temporary companion as we read with this woman about the severity of the punishments of God. We finally arrived at this passage:
"Therefore I command you to repent--repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore--how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not." (D&C 19:15)
We then read verses 16-19, which I will share with you later, after which I felt the need to turn to Alma 5 and start from the beginning. This probably seems like anything but an improvement, since Alma 5 seems specially designed to make anyone with sins keenly aware of them. After all the questions, verse 32 reads:
"Yea, even wo unto all ye workers of iniquity; repent, repent, for the Lord God hath spoken it!"
...which sounds a lot like the idea expressed in the above verse. My companion may have wondered what had possessed me to be so hard on this poor sister.
The thing which I learned that day, and which I shared with the member we were teaching, is the fact that prophets of God don't call on wicked people to repent because God wants to punish them. This is not a bully who is telling is to obey and threatens us with the consequences of rebellion. I had a hard time once reconciling what I was told about God in Sunday School - that he was a kind, loving God by nature - with what I read in the scriptures as prophets warned of the punishments awaiting the wicked. The fact is, the same prophets who warn of the miserable end awaiting the sinner immediately follow those warnings with statements of hopeful anticipation of Christ's redemption of the sinner. The one in Alma reads:
"Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you. Yea, he saith: Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life..."
The one in D&C 19 is much more powerful, which is fitting; the principle of following a rebuke with an increase of love has, I believe, an element of proportion. It reads as follows:
"For behold, I God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffere even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit - and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink - Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men."
The point the Lord is making is one which we all need to learn, and which I am sure many people misunderstand. The reason Christ goes to so much trouble describing the sufferings of the wicked and calling us to repentance is that He has already felt those sufferings. He has an intimate knowledge of Eternal and Endless punishment. He has experienced the consequences resulting from broken laws. Because of their great love for us, Heavenly Father and Jesus will go to great lengths to help us be spared from that suffering. They cannot break eternal laws, but they are very willing to be generous in their help and in forgiveness. How it must pain them both for a sinner in need of repentance to reject the blessing of the atonement! I can imagine Jesus pleading with us: "Please, repent now and come to me. Escape the pain I know you will feel. I have already suffered for you; there is no longer any need for you to suffer and pay for your sins yourself. Accept the conditions our Father has laid out, reject sin and lay claim on my mercy. I love you and I don't want you to suffer." Far from being motivated by any sort of spite or cruelty, the Lord commands his prophets to issue strict calls to repentance because he knows what is coming if those warnings are not heeded.
For anyone who is curious, the message was well received; we were all touched by what we learned and at least two of us were moved to tears (I won't say which two).

Poem

I thought I would share my favorite poem with you all. It has been my favorite since about 1998 when I first read it in a high school English class (its theme seemed quite ironic to me at the time, as anyone who has endured the over-analysis of English classes may well understand). Anyway, without further ado, Walt Whitman's When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer:

When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

Happy New Cycle

Happy new year, everyone. I'm back after a lengthy delay.

JWJ

P.S. Happy new Bicycle to me