Three Life Ambitions [besides the big ones]

Extra points if you already knew about all three of these.

So, there are a few things I would really like to do while I'm here. I'm not talking about the big family- and job-related goals, this relates more to interests I haven't yet developed as much as I would like. So, here they are:

1. I am passionate about unclogging drains. This doesn't mean that I go to others' homes and ask or anything, but if I'm somewhere and there just happens to be a drain that needs to be unclogged, I will probably hint that I may enjoy taking a crack at it. I move leaves off storm drains so they flow more freely, one of my favorite jobs at the petroleum refinery was using the huge sump truck and a shovel to unclog industrial-sized drains, I once disassembled a clogged public park drinking fountain to fix it...you get the idea. There is something about restoring free flow to previously clogged drains that just feels right. I discovered while interrogating a worker at my previous job that you don't need a license to do it for money, which means that someday I will be able to buy my own 250-ft power snake and unclog the drains of my acquaintances for way less than they would pay commercially. I have said previously that I would love plumbing, but I think it's just this part of it I'm interested in.

2. I have a goal to establish an organization (the best name I have come up with, which I admit is really lame, is MOV, short for Music Outreach Volunteers) with the purpose of matching up music students in high schools and (perhaps) colleges with performing opportunities in nursing homes, care centers, senior centers, and day cares. They would be solo or ensemble, accompanied or not. I would act as the liaison between the music classes and the recreation departments and handle scheduling. It would be a great opportunity for the performers to get some experience in front of an appreciative audience (I myself have performed several times on the piano and marimba, and it no longer scares me to death, although I think this is due less to repetition and more to a change in how I view myself and my talent. That is a topic for another post though, which I probably won't do unless requested. Or did I already do it? Why is this parenthetical so long?) and, although it may sound like I am being condescending, having worked in several long-term care centers I can say that there is a desperate need for disruptions to the regular routine. Ideas for a better name for the organization are welcome.

Related to #2 is an idea I came up with for an assignment at BYU (I forget for which class) which would involve going to grade schools and introducing kids to the marimba.

3. I love doing voices. I talk to myself frequently when I am alone (or think I am), often in different accents. I like reading to my kids because I get to play so many different characters. I would love to someday get into actual voiceover work. I think I would be great at cartoons, or commercials, or announcing in general. I would need a little coaching, sure, but there's a lot of potential there. This is the one I am most sensitive about because I feel like a little boy saying he wants to grow up to be a superstar basketball player when everyone around him knows he's terrible. In any case, I will risk exposure to ridicule and say that before I die I hope to have done this at least once. Perhaps a book on tape? Who knows?

So, there you have it. Three of my dreams.

A Conversation with Cleverbot

I decided to ask my friend Cleverbot about my job prospects. If it's not self-evident, my words are flush with the left margin and Cleverbot's are indented.


When will I get a job?
          Right now.
Right this minute?
          Yes.
Where will I work?
          You will sleep in fairyland.
Does it pay well?
          No.
Does it pay at all?
          Yes.
How many small mammal servants will I be able to afford per month?
          *laughs* none.
Will I at least be able to buy a new pair of shoes?
          You mean queen?
Are you asking if by "buy a new pair of shoes" I mean "buy a new queen," or are you accusing me of being an unkind monarch but unsure of yourself?
          Yes.

That was certainly cryptic, so I decided to try again.

When will I get a new job?
          Tomorrow.
Great! Will I finally be able to afford all those fancy dinner parties I've seen in the movies?
          Well that's really nice for me to know but I don't really care.
Your honesty is refreshing, sir. Tell me, what will I do for my new job?
          I don't know a millie.

Less helpful. Here is our third exchange.

When will I get a new job?
          I don't know, tell me.
Well, I thought one may have been forthcoming, but it appears it will be a bit further into the future.
          "War is something each generation has had, has, and will have, a part of."
An apt metaphor, to be sure.
          But that is the intention of a joke.

Not sure if that was meant to be an insult, or what. I decided to try one last time.

When will I get a new job?
          I don't know, tell me.
The future is veiled from my sight.
          Yea I know tell me about it.
I suppose this means I shouldn't ask you to prognosticate on my behalf.
          What do you mean "do something for you first"?
Well, this is awkward.
          Why?
Well, your abrupt subject change certainly made me feel as if you had something else in mind besides just talking, but that your motivations may not have been entirely trustworthy.
          I am sorry you think that, but I am asking questions to get to know you better.
Well, please allow me to tell you about myself. I am a 31-year-old Sagittarius, employed but looking for a new direction, happily married with five lovely children. I love many types of cheese, and communication with lucid and rational individuals such as yourself.
          So am I.
Wait, what? Wow, small world.
          Too small.
Too small for the two of us, certainly.
          I hope so too, but they wouldn't need to be rude, cos it could be upsetting for the girls.
I'm going to assume that rude, upsetting, and girls are all metaphors.
          Oh yeah.
I think you need to say that like the Kool-Aid man.
          I'm a girl, so I can't be a James.
My sister James would beg to differ, I think.
          Do you have a sister?
I have two of them, if my parents didn't withhold any information on the subject.
          I am not asking about information I am just making a conclusion.
So, when will I get a new job?
          Who is asking?
Sometimes I wonder that myself.