These things do I hate

So, at long last, I am using this blog to post not something profound or meaningful, or even humorous. No, this time I am going to gripe about my pet peeves. I haven't made an exhaustive list, so I'm sure this will be less than comprehensive, but they come easily to mind (plus, I wrote some of them down in the usual spot so I could remember them for this post). So, without further ado, and not necessarily in order of how strongly I would like them abolished and their perpetrators jailed until they learn better, here are some of the things that bother me most:

1. The rampant abuse of the poor apostrophe. Those of you who know me well are familiar with my reaction to this one. Examples include the omnipresent "The dog chases it's tail" abuse. Nobody would say "The dog chases it is tail," and yet I see it's and its used almost interchangeably, as if one were not clearly a contraction. Let's get one thing straight, since it's my blog: IT'S. ONLY. EVER. MEANS. IT IS. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

2. Similar to number 1 is the use of "they're" for "their" and vice versa. "The students watched they're teacher as he/she did not adequately correct grammatical errors" or "I wonder what their doing today...clearly not studying grammar" are two examples that spring to mind.

3. A common variant of number 1 (and sometimes even more annoying) is adding "'s" to any word to make it a plural. Only works with abbreviations, people. Trust me when I say that "Dogs and squirrels chased cats in parks" is not improved when rendered "Dog's and squirrel's chased cat's in park's."

The worst thing is seeing mistakes 1-3 on professional materials such as signs and company newsletters.

4. Speaking of signs, at my workplace there is a sign which reads (in part) "Please insure cell phones are turned off." I don't know about you, but I never signed up for the cell phone deactivation insurance. The premiums were just too high. "Ensure" means to make certain of something. "Insure" means to protect with insurance.

5. The misuse of compound words for two separate words. The best example I can think of is the two-separate-word "every day," commonly substituted by the compound adjective "everyday." A fine example of this peeve sauntered into our email in-box the other day as part of a forwarded email:

"At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child
isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children."

Numbers 1 and 3 are great. I spend part of each day both gazing at a baby and hiding from a child. "Everyday" is only an adjective. I'm petting my peeve now, and it's purring at me in a somewhat menacing manner.

These last three are not grammatical in nature, but they bother me a whole lot more.

6. Well, I guess this one doesn't bother me a WHOLE lot more, but it is bothersome to anyone with musical training. When we sing "The Day Dawn Is Breaking," at least half the time the person playing the piano/organ skips an eighth rest between "Beautiful day of peace and rest" and "Bright be thy dawn..." So, I am just taking a breath to begin singing at the correct moment and the organ and at least half of the congregation begins singing a half-count early. I fly into a rage when that happens, let me tell you. A rage.

7. People who leave shopping carts sitting in parking lots drive me CRAZY. What is it about the way these people's poor mothers raised them that leads them to believe that it is all right not to clean up after yourself? People who leave shopping carts scattered everywhere - in parking stalls where they block other drivers from parking, sitting on the grass, on the sidewalk - are the same type of people who urinate all over the toilet seat and don't clean it up, throw their cigarette butts all over, and litter when they are camping or hiking. I'm convinced it is a symptom of our entitlement society, in which every person is convinced that they are owed happiness and wealth, that people are fine with leaving shopping carts where some poor soul has to collect them. Don't tell me, either, that it is fine because someone is paid to do it. That's the worst sort of cop-out. Accept responsibility for your actions, starting today, by returning that cart to the cart corral. I can't tell you how many times I have unrighteously wished I could be there at the moment when someone gets in the car without returning the shopping cart so I could ask him/her where his/her mother went wrong.

8. This one is the worst, and I wish I could take a lot of time and rant about it. I don't want any defensive comments about this one either, because I'm well aware of the converse example. There is a prevalent tendency in our culture to denigrate manhood. Commercials abound in which the poor, hapless man futilely attempts to wash the laundry, do the dishes, change a diaper, clean anything, watch the children, or make dinner. Inevitably, things go terribly wrong. Then the woman arrives and, with a knowing smile, she says, "You silly man. Of COURSE you couldn't do it. You're incompetent! Why do you even try these things?" At least that's how it sounds to me. And forget about asking for - or following - directions. Two double standards exist within this arrangement. The first is that if the media even thought about portraying another whole class of people - whether women, minorities, or whatever - the same way, they would never get away with it. You may respond with (for example) accusations of the media's physical portrayal of women and its elusive standard, but I consider that a separate sort of issue (for reasons I could go into later). My point is that if you attack the male's character, ability, or competency it is fine. If you try to defend the man, you are considered a chauvinist. The second double standard regards society's expectation of men. On the one hand, we are always portrayed as either bumbling idiots, egomaniacs, or murderers. On the other hand, we are told that we must help out around the house, help raise the children, be compassionate with our wives and families, and serve others. Am I the only one who thinks that women's expectations for their husbands are just a little bit colored by what they see on television and in movies? Why should my wife expect me to be able to do anything right? After all, aren't all men unable to do anything right? It must be true because we see it on t.v.

I am only somewhat apologetic for the ranting-ness of this last part of the post. This is an issue which deeply offends me. I will close with one example of peeve #8. I was at the distribution center purchasing some items of clothing. The woman ahead of me in line was exchanging some items of the same sort, and explained to the other store-goers (all women) that her husband had bought the wrong size, so now she had to bring them back and exchange them. The tone of the woman's voice, and the knowing smiles exchanged between these sisters - isn't that just like a man? What are we going to do with these husbands - drove me absolutely up the wall. This attitude is pervasive and cankerous, and I am convinced that Satan is behind it 100%. What better way to minimize the power of the Priesthood than to convince the sisters of the church that its bearers are deserving of neither confidence nor respect?

Anyway, that's all.