So, I have issues with bathrooms. Specifically, I have issues with public bathrooms (although, as Alison will tell you, I'm also particular at home). I have no problems with The Number One (which is easy to do anywhere, since I'm male), but The Number Two causes me great difficulty because the stars have to align just right if I'm not at home. First, there can't be anyone else in the bathroom. At all. If there is someone in there when I enter, I can sometimes wait until they are gone, but if I go in and there's someone Doing His Business, I have to leave and find another bathroom. Even knowing someone has been on the same toilet will prevent me from using it. The key is that I need to be able to maintain the delusion that I am the only person to have ever used the toilet. Even with that mental wizardry active, I still have to build the bird's nest on the seat with TP.
Even in great need, I have gone from one end of a building to the other, opening doors and trying to find just the right bathroom. At work, I go downstairs to the first floor to a bathroom off the crash cart/oxygen room where not many people go and the fan is always on.
I have been working at my mom's office off and on while I have been recovering, and I think I'm the only man in the building for most of the morning. I take a trip down the hall to the communal bathroom and when I walk into the stall, the seat is up and the water is blue. Blue! Like it was prepared just for me, like someone knew I would be there and reserved the bathroom just for me, like when I look into the bowl there will be a little mint sitting there.
Ok, maybe not the mint.
