A Conversation with Cleverbot

I decided to ask my friend Cleverbot about my job prospects. If it's not self-evident, my words are flush with the left margin and Cleverbot's are indented.


When will I get a job?
          Right now.
Right this minute?
          Yes.
Where will I work?
          You will sleep in fairyland.
Does it pay well?
          No.
Does it pay at all?
          Yes.
How many small mammal servants will I be able to afford per month?
          *laughs* none.
Will I at least be able to buy a new pair of shoes?
          You mean queen?
Are you asking if by "buy a new pair of shoes" I mean "buy a new queen," or are you accusing me of being an unkind monarch but unsure of yourself?
          Yes.

That was certainly cryptic, so I decided to try again.

When will I get a new job?
          Tomorrow.
Great! Will I finally be able to afford all those fancy dinner parties I've seen in the movies?
          Well that's really nice for me to know but I don't really care.
Your honesty is refreshing, sir. Tell me, what will I do for my new job?
          I don't know a millie.

Less helpful. Here is our third exchange.

When will I get a new job?
          I don't know, tell me.
Well, I thought one may have been forthcoming, but it appears it will be a bit further into the future.
          "War is something each generation has had, has, and will have, a part of."
An apt metaphor, to be sure.
          But that is the intention of a joke.

Not sure if that was meant to be an insult, or what. I decided to try one last time.

When will I get a new job?
          I don't know, tell me.
The future is veiled from my sight.
          Yea I know tell me about it.
I suppose this means I shouldn't ask you to prognosticate on my behalf.
          What do you mean "do something for you first"?
Well, this is awkward.
          Why?
Well, your abrupt subject change certainly made me feel as if you had something else in mind besides just talking, but that your motivations may not have been entirely trustworthy.
          I am sorry you think that, but I am asking questions to get to know you better.
Well, please allow me to tell you about myself. I am a 31-year-old Sagittarius, employed but looking for a new direction, happily married with five lovely children. I love many types of cheese, and communication with lucid and rational individuals such as yourself.
          So am I.
Wait, what? Wow, small world.
          Too small.
Too small for the two of us, certainly.
          I hope so too, but they wouldn't need to be rude, cos it could be upsetting for the girls.
I'm going to assume that rude, upsetting, and girls are all metaphors.
          Oh yeah.
I think you need to say that like the Kool-Aid man.
          I'm a girl, so I can't be a James.
My sister James would beg to differ, I think.
          Do you have a sister?
I have two of them, if my parents didn't withhold any information on the subject.
          I am not asking about information I am just making a conclusion.
So, when will I get a new job?
          Who is asking?
Sometimes I wonder that myself.